billy and freedom

all billy wanted was to be free. bob, his brother, was made of sterner stuff. cora, their mom, was content to make breakfast and drink coffee and look out the window. dad was sort of a cipher. every morning billy did one hundred pushups. fareed was billy’s friend. he was billy’s only friend. get ready for some exciting news, that was fareed’s favorite expression. how will i ever make it to twenty-one, billy wondered at least once a day. i bet i know what you are thinking, fareed said to billy one rainy afternoon, when they were watching a football game on tv between two teams they had never heard of. just then the football game was interrupted for an important announcement. king george appeared on the screen. he looked old and sad. he was not wearing his crown, but then, he hardly ever did. let me begin, king george began, by saying how sorry i am. mistakes have been made. no one, i venture to say, could have predicted this. oh, how i wish i could go back in a time machine and undo all that has happened! unfortunately, even our most brilliant and dedicated scientists have not as yet been able to produce a working model of such a device. pull yourself together, man, dad suddenly addressed the televised image of the king. quiet, mom admonished him. let’s hear what the king has to say. a rumbling was heard outside. suddenly billy couldn’t take it any more. was this the end? all he ever wanted was to be free. tearing himself away from the televison screen and the curious gazes of mom, dad, and bob, billy rushed outside, followed by fareed. understanding came slowly to the folks watching and listening to poor king george. very soon, the king would come to the shocking climax of his speech. excuse me! a woman in a green sweater, walking a little dog, exclaimed as billy rushed past her, almost stepping on the dog. you don’t understand! billy shouted to fareed, when fareed finally caught up to him. in the end, all hell broke loose, and there was more than enough blame to go around.

the babysitter, part 2

part two of two

meanwhile, anne bonny was asleep and peacefully dreaming and alice wonderbar was reading an agatha christie novel tony nevada was sitting in a sports bar weeping into his beer unknown to anybody, the martians had landed but cathy carson had had just about enough * daniel boone was completely bewildered by it all outside in the distance, the cry of a newborn child was heard anne bonny was waiting for the 44 bus carmen sanchez, the babysitter, suddenly remembered her homework the doorbell rang on a distant planet carmen’s double woke up dr merlin was losing patience mike fink wrote a letter to the san francisco examiner, complaining about the city’s treatment of the homeless * i got you under my skin do you really care if the world comes to an end? does anybody care where the treasure is buried? frankie and johnny put everything they had on buddy boy in the fifth race billy the lion fell down dead at the bar when buddy boy won down by the river mama roo bided her time the stranger sat down at a table by himself marie laveau politely told the stranger to leave carmen sanchez left a note on the coffee table and wandered out into the night mr wonderbar suddenly remembered playing badminton in the fog with archie carter in london during the war you know, some people will complain if they get hanged with a brand new rope and, that’s all, folks frankie and johnny were lovers *

the babysitter, part 1

part one of two

billy the kid was the life of the party joanie dark was the girl next door billy and joanie were both secret agents of the imperium they lived in the grand hotel billy had a tattoo on his left shoulder of bette davis joanie had a tattoo on her right bicep of virginia woolf reeling in a bass off the coast of florida florence nightingale was a homicide detective daniel boone was a seral killer anne bonny was the spirit of love in a hate filled world daniel boone and anne bonny grew up together in a castle on an island in the bermuda triangle mr merlin was daniel’s high school guidance counselor mike fink was the town drunk mary read was mike fink's probation officer * billy the kid and daniel boone decided to rob and murder mary read daniel boone thought joanie dark knew a secret anne bonny and her pal davy crockett decided to overthrow the government tony nevada was anne bonny’s old personal trainer cathy carson was a loud mouthed pushy bitch doctor dee was the town drunk in the next town over alice wonderbar was a girl who never had a chance the babysitter’s name was carmen sanchez alice wonderbar’s husband was a strange man mr wonderbar thought carmen, the babysitter, was hot mr wonderbar’s sister, carla wonderbar, who had never married, hated the whole stinking human race suddenly a stranger appeared carmen wished she was back in florida in the girls’ reformatory *

kicks for sale

by bofa xesjum

an ape in a pinstriped suit spoke excitedly with feminine gestures wrapped tightly about one another a lot of things that wouldn't be legal because i was still afraid of girls and an ape in a pinstriped suit wrapped tightly around the lamppost she sure is something speaking excitedly with feminine gestures while you were drunk the ape in the pinstriped suit "i have to say he gave it the old college try" i said i was sorry i had no whisky because i was still afraid of girls i have to break out of it or go nuts watching and spying on her neighbors she saw a lot of things that wouldn't be legal while we were all drunk they spoke excitedly with feminine gestures and i was still afraid of those darn girls while mother was drunk she sure is something he began to climb the stairs with a wanton display of versatility yes, a lot of things wouldn't be legal when you are afraid of girls he began to climb the stairs sources: the indiscreet confessions of a nice girl, by anonymous; the killer, by wade miller; too hot to handle, by frank g presnell; we all killed grandma, by fredric brown; the damned, by john d macdonald; all passion spent, by chandler brossard; delay en route, by jerry weil; paint on their faces, by jerry weil; office wife, by jerry weil; a gem of a murder, by carlton keith a real cool cat, by jerry weil; adventures in a cold-water flat, by jerry weil

a good time is had by all persons

by bofa xesjum

have the new year do it first say, you are in the way forget the last day for long make great with the thing the little man went at the world know your own life and take it the other hand saw the old one come right up about the part the child thought big into the eye look high over the woman the place wants different after give small work for a large week find the next case and tell ask the young government about the early work seems important to the company few numbers feel the public group try the bad problem and leave able facts call the same that is not he as you one all would be there assembled from the most common words in the english language, per wikipedia

you can come in if you like, the woman said...

by bofa xesjum

but i am sure everything is changed the whole place was renovated a few years ago… you must have walked the streets until after midnight but here you are at last! knowledge of nature will get you through every time i did not sink under my torments but did feel a horrible anticipation the poor are generous, and sometimes keep gerbils as pets you look wonderful! those torments never had a chance against you a gerbil is different from a hamster, i am told even poor people have time on their hands these days and are horribly afraid of being kidnapped by demons what did i come here for? my tormentor was outwardly a civilized gentleman i was down on the program for one number don juan on the caravan to nowhere the temptation was too strong for poor juan and he wrapped his soul in brown paper wondering why he had been born “if nature had a balance, it would not be nature” he intoned with his bright beady eyes looking into mine you know i am absurdly in love what are you so afraid of? knowledge of nature is only half the task here you are at last! i realize you are feeling a horrible anticipation as we all do every day and night of our lives we are all absurdly in love sources: the time machine, by h g wells; the island of dr moreau, by h g wells; “a haunted house” by virginia woolf; three lives, by gertrude stein; the thirty-nine steps, by john buchan; “the black monk”, by anton chekhov; confessions of an english opium-eater, by thomas de quincey; rasselas, by samuel johnson; ”the dilettante”, by edith wharton; autobiography of an ex-colored man, by james weldon johnson; up from slavery, by booker t washington; adventures of tom sawyer, by mark twain

the importunate ones

by bofa xesjum

we just started - i can’t handle this don’t make me put this paper down just for a thrill every day i’ve got the blues you said that before but i loved the sound of the rain you were always thrill crazy, doris that’s why i wanted you to stay away from millicent go away, kid, you bother me that was my grandpa’s solution to everything i know i am repeating myself but can’t you see i’m busy no, how was i supposed to know? you never gave me a chance never gave me a chance to show what i could do you should have spoken up because every day i had the blues i had dreams once thrilling, indescribable dreams such as no one ever had before put that paper down and listen to me i was always told to go away and stop bothering people but i craved excitement oh, forget you ever knew me! but i loved the sound of the rain it is so easy to forget and that, really, is all there is to it