slim jim #2

by rhoda penmarq

barracuda constantinople depreciate eggplant fender gregraious hop interesting jelly bean kilimanarjo legume miss muffet niliilist despair opossum pope quietly sleeping rudimentary serendipity talent show uptick virginia wild at heart expectant pause you said it no more abercrombie

slim jim #1

by rhoda penmarq

apparatus bagatelle continental diptheria end game fortunately game plan himalayas insolence jereboam king tut larceny mononucleosis natch orotund pirate treasure quintessential sentimental journey topography urgent message vibration what now excuses excuses yawn move along

austin ingersoll

by bofa xesjum

what is the tallest mountain in the world? - mount everest what is the longest river in the world? - the nile, but maybe the amazon is your mom the nicest person in the world? - my mom's the person I strive to be is your dad the funniest person in the world? - funny people are authentic and sincere are dogs or cats smarter? - dogs learn and respond to commands are humans or lobsters smarter? - humans learn and respond to commands are rabbits or goldfish smarter? - goldfish — IQ 25; rabbit — IQ 22 should white people all go back to europe? - yes should black people all go back to africa? - thousands of african-americans are moving back to africa for a better quality of life, safety, and a sense of belonging, challenging the narrative of africa as a poor and dangerous continent should mexico be given back to the aztecs or to the olmecs? - that's a fascinating question touching on history should eurasia be given back to the neanderthals? - yes should africa be given back to the austraolopithecines? -instead of "giving back" the continent, efforts are focused on preserving the sites where they once lived are you the center of the universe? - the universe has no single center because space itself is expanding everywhere  are you happy? -  happiness comes from things like strong connections with family/friends, achieving personal goals, and feeling satisfaction  are you guilty? - If you plead guilty, you are admitting the charges against you are true, and/or that you have no defense or excuse for the act are you at peace with yourself? - peace to me is being comfortable with yourself, knowing yourself, and trusting yourself

the official subversives

by bofa xesjum

put that joke book away and let us get serious. good guys are hypocrites. the groundbreaking power lifter nodded perfunctorily. while the extraordinary revolutionary looked both ways. all privilege is indigenous, sergeant jones asserted confidently. revolutions are important, meaningless smith retorted. the authoritarian greeter looked askance. his name was dorian gray and he carefully straightened his blue and yellow tie. the ottoman empire was in decline. but extra brown, the extraordinary revolutionary, did not much care. dorian gray suppressed a green laugh. gus henry, the groundbreaking power lifter, chuckled heartily. because revolutions are important. they make the world go around. the subversive is the new normal. and all authority is a joke. genius is reactionary, anna explained patiently to jane. gus henry looked both ways when he reached the door. that is my final answer, he repeated as he exited the scene. i guess he still thinks revolutions are important, sergeant jones observed nonchalantly. suddenly all hell broke loose. and you can just guess what happened next. everybody kept looking both ways. but there were more ways than both. the official report was hailed as groundbreaking. especially by its producers. the subversive became the new norm. and as they say, that was all she wrote. until the next time. grand avenue was renamed subversive avenue. and a good time was had by all.

the last shot

by bofa xesjum

suddenly the shots stopped. it was said that the shooter’s name was albert brown. all the people on the street watched from their windows. a man appeared on the street. he was a strange man. he used to be the sheriff in the town. but he had gone on a long journey. to the ends of the earth and back. all very interesting, i am sure, but can we get on with it? when the strange man returned to civilization after his long journey, he found that times had changed extraordinarily. silence reigned over the land. the people were afraid. more shots rang out. the strange man kept walking down the street. he remembered the times that were long gone and even forgotten. he could hardly remember them, but had no desire that they return. he realized that the time was now. bang! albert brown moved away from the window. it was said that his name was albert brown, but it was not. well then, what was it? give me a minute here - it was charlie green. oh. is that final? yes. the strange man looked up at the windows where the townspeople were looking down at him. suddenly he produced his own gun. he fired a shot into the air. the last shot. listen up, you losers! he shouted. it is all over. my name is bob adams. bob adams, not charlie green. and i am taking over. you got that? the people moved away from their windows. silence reigned over the land once again. night fell. the moon rose over the trees and warehouses and body shops on the outskirts of town.

rampage in a puce t-shirt

by bofa xesjum

the corpse was gray professor denby considered it in a brown study jerry wore a puce t-shirt the rhubarb was green jerry’s t-shirt had letters on it that read - i hate you sergeant redman observed jerry’s t-shirt with visible distaste jerry had taken his t-shirt to the laundromat only the day before the purple elephant rampaged through the dry grass red jokes were in vogue the flower was white professor denby’s suit was a curious shade of yellow which contrasted poorly with his black mood the rhubarb was green that year when jerry took his t-shirt to the laundromat but the rhubarb’s crunchiness was widely questioned especially by the purveyors of red jokes albert wore a brown derby while the purple elephant rampaged through the unfortunate village counselor jones did not find jerry’s t-shirt at all amusing and did not care much for red jokes either sergeant redman was more determined than ever to catch the purple elephant which was disappearing over the blue horizon as henry told a bright red joke but the yellow wall was highly polished the corpse had a gray pallor albert took off his brown derby when jerry went back to the laundromat it was closed

the problematic incandescense

by bofa xesjum

please start over the hornets buzzed around the minister the barbarian surveyed the quicksand the gastronomy of a panther is always problematical especially when the rhubarb is incandescent the aardvark reposed in tranquility the minister seemed barely sentient the barbarian turned back to the guests and laughed heartily the hornets seemed to lack leadership or a purpose suddenly a deluge of panthers broke through the barrier spreading uncertainty and chaos still the minister paid no heed roger’s yellow arm beckoned frantically from the quicksand the panthers halted as one or so the story goes the rhubarb glowed smugly roger’s beckonings took on a curious rhythm what a joke! samantha exclaimed pointedly the joke is on you, the alpha panther replied you find negligence humorous, do you? aggie shot back the aardvark kept his own counsel during the whole fracas i have had enough, the barbarian asserted, and left the room come back! come back! roger pleaded defensively give the ectoplasm some leeway, please please, i beg of you poor roger! but the ectoplasm showed itself a terrible personality in the crisis