bump in the road

by bofa xesjum

walter always wore a yellow jacket when riding his bicycle his kinesis was quite humorous suddenly an altercation broke out some of the participants grew quite heated the people who rule the world are idiots who understand nothing their kinesis can be rather overwhelming the altercation continued unabated throughout the long afternoon arthur always had an apple with his lunch, which he brought to work in a clear plastic bag david and iiolanthe had really good ectoplasm for their age the entrance to the castle is off limits to uncle joes and johns who is your uncle joe? walter and arthur both dreamed of becoming first minister the doll fell out of the window it was raining out arthur was not sure what the word kinesis meant walter slowed down in the rain the people who rule the world are idiots who understand nothing even if they have really good ectoplasm for their age number 44 was one of the idiots who rule the world, but thought of himself as a nice guy walter and arthur were both in love with sally jones and were both a bit confused as to what the word kinesis meant uncle joe stated openmouthed at the no trespassing sign at the castle entrance his legerdemain was hilarious walter put horseradish on his ham and eggs in the morning arthur always had an apple with his lunch, which he brought to work in a clear plastic bag joe, john shouted, what in blazes is going on here? david knew very well that what he was doing was jejune

never

by j t yemberley

i will never be as famous as donald trump or elon musk or frank james or george washington or henry viii or isaac newton or jesse james or jack kerouac or omar khayyam or leonarfdo da vinci or lawrence of arabia or moses or nebuchanezzar or oscar wilde or philip k dick or queen victoria or richard the lion hearted or shakespeare or tom thumb or p t barnum or sitting bull or annie oakley or uncle bud russell or leonardo da vinci or queen victoria or wild bill hickok or king arthur or yeti or emile xola or anybody who ever walked down broadway or central avenue or death valley or that lonesome valley alone or with a million followers chanting my name or raising their fists to the blue sky bird belle ball

johnny and jackie, part 2

by bofa xesjum

part two of ?

jackie did not decide to hate johnny overnight. he had been encouraged to do so by colonel musgrave, and by ralph johnson, who was not what he seemed to be. johnny , on the other hand, suspected none of this. it started to rain. the circus was in town. sitting behind the wheel of his state police cruiser, eddie watched the big tent go up. no matter where he was, jackie was alone with his thoughts. ralph johnson observed jackie from under the brim of his straw hat. because that was the kind of guy ralph johnaon was. sometimes jackie forgot exactly why he hated johnny. raindrops ran down the window of the diner. mona starbuck remembered the last stranger who passed through town. the two strangers stopped and watched the circus tent go up. the first stranger - the original stranger - came up behind them. hatred can be a curious thing. sheriff john brown did nor care for circus people, especially clowns, was johnny really as good a person as all that? was sheriff john brown really as bad a person as all that? and what about mona starbuck? so far, nobody asked johnny what he thought the whole situation. or stagger lee, for that matter. what do you think? and what does eddie, sitting in his cruiser watching the circus tent go up in the rain, think? the two strangers nodded to each other and proceeded into town. colonel musgrave poured himself another stiff drink. mona starbuck got up and turned on her new television set.

johnny and jackie, part 1

by bofa xesjum

part one of ?

the stranger came down the road, and did not look left or right. jackie was the jealous type. and when the strangers came to town, jackie took notice. jackie hated johnny. and jackie did not like the looks of the strangers. rlaph johnson never harmed anybody. stagger lee had an understanding with sheriff john brown. sheriff john brown was a bad person. one of the worst. or so the strangers had been told. colonel musgrove poured himself a stiff drink. the strangers looked out the window as he dd so. mona starbuck remembered the last stranger who passed through town. stagger lee remembered him too. his name was ———————. eddie was in the state police. but then, jackie did not care for too many people. the stranger - the original stranger - walked into marie;s diner. sheriff john brown looked up from his cup of black coffee. jackie, who hated everybody, looked up from his slice of blueberry pie. outside, it started to rain. sheriff john brown hesitated - he had a date with stagger lee. sheriff john brown loved the rain. johnny was a good person. jackie hated johnny because he was a good person. eddie was on the way.

the closed orange

by bofa xesjum

had overtaken the children on the deserted highway there was nothing more to be said apparently but then a blue voice appeared across the moon and a termite drew a picture in the surf the assembled partygoers felt in their brittle bones that here at last was something worth defeating look at the crabs, miss muffet exclaimed they have lost all sense of decorum but have left a light in the window for the young master if he ever decides to return but the market is closed for the hurricane

personal information, part 2

by bofa xesjum

part two of two

all right, dylan, my friend, let’s get on with it. my name isn’t dylan, it is zenith. you told me it was dylan. i just changed it. i can give myself any name i choose. not a problem. we are all friends here, just trying to keep the ball rolling and the machinery of civilization humming. no we are not friends, you are hateful bureaucratic scum and would be eliminated in a truly inclusive and caring society. i will make a note of that. but to return to the next question - do we really have to? we do if we want to finish in time for lunch. oh, all right. what is your favorite color? carmine. carmine? let me see - that is some shade of red, is it not? blood red - the blood of tyrants, fascists, and bureaucrats like you. oh look, here are your apple juice and doughnut. thank you, 784. they do not look all that appetizing. try to make the best of it - next question: what was your first pet’s name? goldie. thank you. what - don’t you want to know what kind of pet goldie was? no. that is not one of the questions. goldie was a sea lion, the sweetest sea lion who ever lived, and i loved her with all my innocent childish heart. what is your favorite restaurant - mcdonalds, arby’s, burger king or chick-fil-a? the french laundry. i will put down chick-fil-a. where are you from? someplace. i have absolutely no idea. what was your first job? assistant consultant. that is what they all say. are you doubting my word? what your mother’s maiden name? jones. that is what they all say. look here, i do not care much for your attitude, mister bureaucrat. time’s up. thank you for your input, zenith. you did very well, we will forward you your results. my name is not zenith - it is yorba the magnificent. good-bye, yorba. can i finish my doughnut and apple juice? yes, in the elevator. i do my best work and have my best thoughts in the elevator. next!

personal information, part 1

by bofa xesjum

the cubicles stretched for miles, were small and narrow, and did not appear to afford much privacy. a nondescript person carrying a green manila folder entered one of them, and sat down across from a second, equally nondescript person looking down at the pale blue screen of a small tablet. a sign behind the second person read: do not give your personal information except to authorized personnel. your name is roger mortimer? the second person asked the first person. no, it is dylan sansculotte. you gave it as roger mortimer to the sentinel at the gate. i changed it in the elevator on the way up. fair enough. you say your first job was assistant maintenance supervisor - is that correct? no, i was a dog walker dispatcher. i changed that too in the elevator. all right. did you change anything else in the elevator? everything. good. i like a person who is not afraid to change their mind. i did not change my mind, i changed who i was. not a problem, just tell me who you are. do you not have a list of questions? of course - the next one is - what is your favorite food? beef stew. do you make it yourself, or get it out of a can? do i look like the kind of person who eats beef stew out of a can? i have never known a person who admitted to eating beef stew, let alone liking it, so i can not really say. maybe when this interview is over, you can take me to lunch and i can show you where to get the best beef stew in town. i will consider it. so, if you get your beef stew in a restaurant, i guess you do not make it yourself. not necessarily. how do you know i am not the head chef at the place that makes the best beef stew in town? did you stop to think of that? no, i did not. i apologize. that is the trouble with you soulless bureaucratic dorks - you never stop to think about anything except your next doughnut and your next cardboard cup of watery coffee. do you know where i can get some non-watery coffee? but the doughnuts here are actually pretty good, would you like one? i will take one. do you have anything to drink - besides the watery coffee? orange juice, grape juice, apple juice? apple juice, if it is indigenous. made from apples planted by johnny appleseed himself. do you know which country produces the most apples? i think it is either afghanistan or angola. but it is not my job to know such things. what is your job? to obtain your personal information. so far, i do not seem to be doing a very good job of of it.