gatorade

by bofa xesjum

gatorade keeps on expanding and does not ask permission of the vacuum cleaner it runs on juice, not on oxygen, you fools If the gatorade’s arrogance is noted inspectors will march in the streets against it sometimes it lacks belligerence in which case the inspectors’ reports will be shredded if its citrusy undertaste is appropriated , street sweepers will sit by the river and weep. the seeds of the dextrose are scattered throughout the galaxy, and the concert goers write in the margins of their programs the ushers wear red berets and black bow ties; they only drink their gatorade with ice cubes therefore, the leader of the ushers union says : it is only by rolling under the futon that i live for another day the gator is a harsh master, demanding and prophesying sucrose doing nothing, and yet, water and oxygen are reluctant siblings the ice cube in the gatorade is silent, and yet the citrus seeds and the concrete alike forget their manners when the shopping cart flies by propelled by an invisible wind the ice cubes and the gatorade dissolve and yet the glass is full

mr jones's dream: the sad rabbit

by bofa xesjum

mr jones, a pharmacist in a small town in ontario, had a strange dream, which he made no attempt to understand. the joke was on the rabbit he had made a fortune in bananas the porcupine waited for the night the apple carefully watched the ice cream cone the doll ate her vegetables the sandwich got up and put on his hat what a laugh! the lion sat quietly in the corner the excitement threatened to boil over into total hilarity uncle john arrived in his cadillac the eleohant had already made his fortune the outsider waited outside in the garden the mummy was only looking to get his kicks the yeti got zapped in a sleepy voice, the walrus asked the tiger what had just happened

mr smith's contest: the amused

by bofa xesjum

mr smth, an eccentric gentleman, offered a prize of indeterminate value for the best entry in the following contest: write a story or poem of exactly 100 words employing each of the following 25 words once and only once. algorithm, butterfly, cat, dog, eternity, flower, gorilla, happy, immortal, jolly, king, lollipop, nan, never, orangutan, power, queen, rotation, sad, triumphant, underdog, villain, woman, youth, zero. here is an example: the amused the cat watched the man amuse the orangutan. eternity was never the villain. the flower was happy with the algorithm. the gorilla was sad when he met the immortal. it all came crashing down when the assassin knocked on the door and the maid, who had been poorly trained by the housekeeper, indiscreetly let him into the front parlor . the king had chased butterflies in his youth. the queen and her dog were triumphant. the twelve apostles would have been shocked. the villain had a lollipop to the power of zero the woman sensed the smiling rotation of the underdog. * did you find this story at all interesting or amusing? a) yes. ___________ b) no ___________

the time of year

by bofa xesjum

it was the time of year when a person did a thing in a way every day. when a man had a part of the life of the world in his hand like a child. when the eye of a woman took the place of the work of a week in a case. the point of government is the number of companies in a group of problems. an animal is a fact. what do i have to be to get to say make it go i know it takes to see but come and think and look you want to give and use to find and tell and ask to work i seem to feel i try to leave but call and cry it is good to be new but first to be last i long to be great with a little other of my own it is right to be old but big to be high the different are small and the large are next the early are young , the important are few the public is bad if the same are able

time be good

by bofa xesjum

time be good to the natural man person have new of everything and be happy year do first things in all that way say last for that * day get long on me thing make great with it man go little at not world know own by him * life take other from as hand see old up you part come right about this child think big into but * eye look high over his woman want different after they

you have ten minutes to complete this survey

by bofa xesjum

an assassin walked into a bar. he ordered a drink from the bartender. a cold martini. outside, a little dog ran down the street. is your name eddie wilson, the assassin asked the bartender when he received his cold martini. no, replied the bartender, but it is fred smith. why do you ask? because i am a trained deadly assassin, the assassin growled, and i have been hired to kill eddie wilson. the bartender shook his head. i am sorry i can not help you, but nobody calling himself eddie wilson is a regular customer in this establishment. a bead of icy perspiration suddenly appeared on the assassin’s cold martini. just because he does not call himself eddie wilson does not mean he is not eddie wilson, the assassin persisted. that is true. perhaps you could be kind enough to describe him. he is a little guy, about three and a half feet tall, with a tattoo of the mona lisa on his forehead. no, the bartender mused thoughtfully, no one of that description comes in here. there is mike morrison. he is at least four feet tall though, and has a picture of kim kardashian tattooed on his left bicep. that is not the guy i want. oh well, then i guess you are out of luck. the bartender sighed. that is the trouble with people today, the assassin replied with a touch of annoyance. they give up too easily, and do not go the extra mile to help a guy out. suddenly the place grew quiet. are you accusing me, my friend, of giving you the runaround? the bartender asked the assassin. there is no need to get sore. i was just expressing my frustration at not being able to do the job i was hired to do, that is all. please forgive me. a tarantula crawled across the floor toward the assassin. i had an uncle named harry, the bartender said. and he used to get upset at every little thing. finally my aunt clara had enough of his nonsense and left him. a violent burst of wind blew the door open. why can’t that damn door stay shut? the bartender asked. you cant expect everything to work the way it is supposed to, the assassin said. and yet we hope, the bartender said. we go on hoping, day after day, even though there is no hope, the bartender walked out from behind the bar, and the tarantula, which had been intended for the assassiin, bit him.

history

by bofa xesjum

after the chinese emperor ritually drowned himself the party broke up and we all went back to our caves my faithful servant, bathsheba, was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of ovaltine i told her that the spanish ambassador had asked me to lend him fifty-five dollars and threatened to blow up the maine if i did not she told me that she was afraid that her new boy friend would not approve of the book she was reading i asked her if there was any mexican takeout left and she tearfully admitted she had given it to the wolf i assured her that everything would work out in the end later that night the martians landed and nothing was ever the same again how trivial all our worries seemed after that!