the spaghetti and the sadness

she cooked up spaghetti probably from a can with jeremy's whole life in her hands but the stove was too hard the summer it rained and rained and the guinea pigs escaped from ella's bedroom putting their whole lives in mom's hands they dreamed of marbled halls but ate chef boyardee ravioli straight from the can the summer it rained and rained she put the doll beside her plate even as the dream of marbled halls faded the summer it rained and rained the birds sang the wrong tunes and made her feel sad especially for the guinea pigs the birds didn't know any better shaking off the remains of fear because the ground was too hard for the holy family on a saturday night so they felt sad and their sadness took the form of heartfelt prayer mom opened another can of spaghetti the rain was falling harder but she shook off her fear of the lawbreakers infesting the city liberated by her old customer the archbishop it was all so sad, so sad sources: a girl is a half-formed thing, by eimear mcbride; the facades, by eric lundgren; the shock of the fall, by nathan filer; love me back, by merritt tierce; the undertaking, by audrey magee; dept of speculation, by jenny offill; nw, by zadie smith; all the birds, singing, by evie wyld; the laughing monsters, by denis johnson; the anatomy of dreams, by chloe benjamin; how to build a girl, by caitlin moran; rainey royal, by dylan landis; nora webster, by colm toibin - amazon suggested these books to people "looking for something in our literature and fiction department"

beyond recall

he looked up from his glass of wine under the stars and cathedral spires his eyes got murkier by the minute with remorse and vibrating nerves he was gone beyond recall under the stars and gathering clouds we prefer to save our exciting moments she had hated summer vacations when the doors were painted brown countless swarms of wasps began polishing the inside doorhandle "how could you let him escape?" he was gone beyond recall on the other side of the thin wall with his pathetic remorse and shot nerves he looked down into his glass of wine supported by tiger-like monsters with polished golden incisors countless swarms of wasps began attacking his unfinished glass of wine splashing the tiger-like monsters it was worse than the summer vacations with the endless swarms of grasshoppers no way of knowing what they wanted the tiger-men began to laugh at the immumerable swarms of spiders that were polishing the inside door handle sources: salambo, by gustave flaubert; maldoror, by lautreamont; last men in london, by olaf stapledon; baudelaire, by jean-paul sartre; thirst for love, by yukio mishima; don't look now, by daphne du maurier; rebecca, by daphne du maurier; the engagement, by georges simenon; act of passion, by georges simenon; agent of chaos, by norman spinrad; driven, by richard gehman; man on a leash, by charles williams; "fire escape" by cornell woolrich

suggestion

a man's whole life in your hands birds singing the wrong tunes liberated by one of her customers shaking off the remains of fear the ground was too hard lawbreakers infested the city smashing windows up and down the streets a man's whole life in their hands through chilled marble halls liberated by one of her customers with the free guinea pigs made her feel sad place the doll beside her spaghetti probably from a can lawbreakers infested the city "if you don't like those, take a look at these" liberated by one of her customers down chilled marble halls with the free guinea pigs the summer it rained and rained shaking off the remains of fear holy family on a saturday night with the free guinea pigs place her doll beside her isn't she a bit old for a doll holy family on a saturday night "don't knock it if you haven't tried it" sources: a girl is a half-formed thing, by eimear mcbride the facades, by eric lundgren the shock of the fall, by nathan filer love me back, by merritt tierce the undertaking, by audrey magee dept of speculation, by jenny offill nw, by zadie smith all the birds, singing, by evie wyld the laughing monsters, by denis johnson the anatomy of dreams, by chloe benjamin how to build a girl, by caitlin moran rainey royal, by dylan landis nora webster, by colm toibin - amazon suggested these books to people "looking for something in our literature and fiction department"

the room

under the stars and branches we prefer to store up our excitement as we are not naturally that way it seemed to get murkier by the minute she had hated summer vacations on the other side of the thin wall the doors were painted brown he began polishing the inside doorhandle which seemed to get murkier by the minute they preferred to bottle up their excitement with no way of knowing what they wanted on the other side of the thin wall the remorse and the vibrating nerves began polishing the inside door handle the doors were painted brown but could use a new coat she had always hated summer vacations under the stars and branches with remorse and vibrating nerves he was gone beyond recall "for god's sake we can't make love in a room with a brown door" there was no way of knowing what she wanted he was gone beyond recall he looked up over his glass of wine things seemed to get murkier by the minute with no way of knowing what they wanted on the other side of the thin wall sources: last men in london, by olaf stapledon; baudelaire, by jean-paul sartre; thirst for love, by yukio mishima; don't look now, by daphne du maurier; rebecca, by daphne du maurier; the engagement, by georges simenon; act of passion, by georges simenon; agent of chaos, by norman spinrad; driven, by richard gehman; man on a leash, by charles williams; "fire escape" by cornell woolrich

end of the line

he pretended to look for some i d his whole life flashed before him he couldn’t see the cop’s face but the outcome was never in doubt he couldn’t see the cold face but he knew the hard heart he had escaped from the bughouse because he was sick of grits and because he wanted to be treated with dignity and respect the cop came closer and smiled the cop came closer and smiled the headlights dimmed you know you don’t have no i d you never had no i d you probably ain’t even got a name your room is waiting for you back in the bughouse back in the bughouse where you belong mr johnson is worried sick about you because he’s your friend your only friend the boys will have a good laugh and poke you in the ribs because they are your only friends you marched a long way your feet must be sore so sore the masquerade is over let’s get the cuffs on you the masquerade is over, that’s from a song i don’t have no remorse i’ll tell that to the warden you do that i’d do it over again you hear that, al? we got a real hard case here it will be much better for your health i don’t care about my health all i wanted was to be free sources: the end of the night, by john d macdonald; rage, by stephen king; journey to the end of the night. by louis-ferdinand celine; death on the installment plan, by louis-ferdinand celine; the prague cemetery, by umberto eco; the stranger, by albert camus; the adventures of darcy dancer, gentleman, by j p donleavy; three way split, by jerry weil; the end - rethinking the revelation, by norman b harrison

the escaped

it's much better for your health when did you ever care about my health i'm just saying that's all it brings back memories of empty rooms they were empty because you were in them is that supposed to be funny? she gave me that smile in your dreams what's wrong with my dreams? even though i have no remorse ooh so scary! i'm just saying that's all maybe we should go back you can go back you know i would never leave you "this is the life, huh? the free and open road!" they marched for a long time it began to get dark they passed an abandoned barn but kept going now you're a murderer don't start that again i'm just saying that's all the outcome was never in doubt darkness fell they came to an abandoned farmhouse you sure you don't want to go back stop bugging me this place looks real cozy they had walked a weary mile and deserved a rest after being treated like dogs all their lives the rooms were empty they gave al the heebie jeebies but buck just laughed and gave al that big smile like he always did like he always did even though he had no remorse they saw the moon through the broken window they saw the moon through the broken window sources: the end of the night, by john d macdonald; rage, by stephen king; the long walk, by stephen king; journey to the end of the night. by louis-ferdinand celine; the stranger, by albert camus; three way split, by jerry weil; fair game, by jerry weil; the end - rethinking the revelation, by norman b harrison

escape

but he didn't go back it almost always made him smile with joyous digs in the ribs he escaped from the bughouse bringing only empty rooms the outcome was never in doubt he presented it to the government as genuine but he didn't go back now you're a murderer almost always with a smile now you're a murderer too it almost always made him smile escaped from the bughouse and gave me that smile like a crazed animal "i owe you, johnny, i won't forget you." like a crazed animal yeah, like a real crazed animal with joyous digs in the ribs we marched a long time it's much better for your health the outcome is never in doubt like a crazed animal it always makes him smile joyous digs in the ribs now you're a murderer it's much better for your health sources: the end of the night, by john d macdonald; rage, by stephen king; the long walk, by stephen king; journey to the end of the night. by louis-ferdinand celine; death on the installment plan, by louis-ferdinand celine; the name of the rose, by umberto eco; the prague cemetery, by umberto eco; the stranger, by albert camus; the adventures of darcy dancer, gentleman, by j p donleavy; the teachers, by jerry weil; fair game, by jerry weil; the end - rethinking the revelation, by norman b harrison

paper boy

why does it have to be this way you guys are the greatest it was just the paper boy make your own goddamn sandwich you guys are the greatest so why does it have to be this way you used be so much fun it doesn't have to be this way do you believe everything you hear? you used to be so much fun so make your own sandwich but this sweater is the wrong color master that's not what i want master that's not what i want you should fix this refrigerator you never thought that before you never thought that before that's a pretty big dog you got there but this sweater is the wrong color you should fix this refrigerator i'll bet you never thought of that before you shouldn't believe everything you hear it was just the paper boy but this sweater is the wrong color "people go to prison every day for less" most people don't even have paper boys any more it doesn't keep anything cold sources: an evening in naples, by robert gray; the deadbeats, by sam white; take me forever, by geraldine st john; the last of the lonely, by sarah philbin; american midnight, by carl b johnson; the case of the incurious butterfly, by amelia desrosiers; a cafe in nogales, by brett fisher; i thought you knew better than that, by wilson chadwick; the fools, by g t sanderson; daphne, by nora green; dead man's whisper, by alfred clay jones; this man and this woman, by dorothy mainwaring smith

love and authority

from behind the silver teapot he grabbed the receiver and listened hand in hand into the arena long ago in the quiet of the world zillions of inorganic beings so he grabbed the receiver from the secretary and listened far from shaking her resolve "that was very rude of you, sir" he did not like her tone of authority from behind the silver teapot the hours burn in the night that's the way to live with zillions of inorganic beings "who is chief executive officer here, you or i?" the puppy stopped moving love is a stimulus but he did not like her tone of authority long ago in the quiet of the world before madness walked in the deserts love was a stimulus with zillions of singing angels digestion was incredibly prolonged but failed to shake her inexorable resolve his hairy fingers tightened on the receiver not to see the landscape at all that's the way to live with the pitiless stimulus of love sources: atlas shrugged, by ayn rand; the fountainhead, by ayn rand; the prophet, by khalil gibran; the doors of perception, by aldous huxley; zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, by robert pirsig; the motorcycle diaries, by che guevara; the dharma bums, by jack kerouac; the teachings of don juan, by carlos castaneda; the alchemist, by paulo coelho; the hobbit, by j r r tolkien; stranger in a strange land, by robert a heinlein; childhood's end, by arthur c clarke; the case of charles dexter ward, by h p lovecraft